Tuesday, November 8, 2011

A Very Harold and Kumar 3D Christmas (in 2D)

Deck the halls with lots
Of dick jokes, fa la la la
La la la la, sigh

The third Harold and
Kumar movie may be leaps
And bongs better than

Part two, but it still
Lacks the surprising charm of
The original

There's some holiday
Cheer, but you'll laugh a lot more
If your eggnog's spiked.

Friday, October 28, 2011

The Three Musketeers

Combine the Princess
Bride with Assassin's Creed 2,
Add every cliche

You can think of, and
Then make it just stunningly

Add a dash of fun
Casting choices, pour on too
Much bad CGI

Blend thoroughly with
Some downright decent swordplay
And try to enjoy.

Sunday, October 9, 2011

Classic Movies I've Somehow Never Seen Until Now Special Edition:
Blues Brothers

Everything about
This movie is great, I wish
I'd seen it sooner

Incredible car
Chases are eclipsed by the
Sharp comedy, which

Is nothing compared
To the musical numbers
And the cameos

You will laugh, you will
Cheer, but most of all, you will
Dance, sing, and feel joy

Monday, September 26, 2011


Let's put it like this
This : Bourne :: Drive : Fast and Fur'ous
I'll elaborate

An indie movie
At heart, with deliberate
Choices all around

Music, direction,
Casting, jarring violence,
Visceral chases

More thought went into
This than every Michael Bay
Movie ever made.

Friday, August 19, 2011

Captain America

The thing that struck me
While watching this silly and
Campy yet very

Fun movie, was that
Chris Evans REALLY nails it
He's charismatic

Without a hint of
Sarcasm or relying
On comic timing

The movie is worth
Seeing just for that, but lots
Of stuff blows up too

Horrible Bosses

The three titular
Bosses steal the show and make
Up for a lame plot

There are lots of great
Jokes, and good performances
Which keep things going

The direction is
Adequate and nothing will
Surprise you but it's

Worth it just to see
Charlie Day up against a
Vampy Aniston

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Friends With Benefits

Yes, these two are friends
Yes, there are some benefits
Also, tons of jokes

And surprisingly
The jokes are mostly solid
Thanks to the two leads

No, it doesn't hold
Up to close scrutiny, so
Sit back, relax, and

Enjoy some funny,
Charming people having
Funny, charming sex

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2

You may gasp, you may
Cry, and you will be thrilled by
This final chapter

It is as epic,
Dark, and emotional as
It deserves to be

If you've enjoyed the
Movies up to this point then
You will love part 2

If you haven't then
Why are you watching? Let us
Mourn in peace. Muggle.

Monday, July 4, 2011

Green Lantern

There have been many
Negative reviews of this
Piece of crap movie

The whole production
Reeks of laziness, except
For Ryan Reynolds

He tries to do more
Than most would have, but the bad
Script and dull action

Keep the fun to a
Minimum. I hope they don't
Try for a sequel

Bad Teacher

This movie tries to
Be shocking and crass but it
Never quite makes it

Cameron Diaz
Throws herself into the role
And it kind of works

Jason Siegel phones
It in, yet still manages
Some hilarity

Good performances
Keep things afloat despite the
Lame jokes and trite plot

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

TV Special Edition:
Game of Thrones Season 1

Wow, that was epic
A VERY strong cast, mostly
Good production and

Some great writing all
Combine to bring George R.R.
Martin's books to life

Yes, it had some flaws
But the awesome moments far
Outweighed the shoddy

Bottom line: a good
Story, well told. With boobies!
And, Tyrion rocks.

Sunday, June 26, 2011

Super 8

The nostalgic tone
And strong kid actors make for
A mostly fun time

Effects and action
Are pretty slick but could have
Been reigned in somewhat

The old-school charm is
Lost in the third act when we
Must learn some lessons

Go for the sci-fi
Stay for the heart, ignore the
Really sappy bits

Monday, June 6, 2011

X-Men: First Class

This movie caught me
Off guard by not being an
Utter waste of time

In fact, it's kind of
Fantastic. Fun, brisk, epic,
And very well cast

Vaughn's directing joins
A (mostly) tighter plot to
Create a Kick-Ass

Comic book movie
(See what I did there?) Just go
See it, and enjoy..

The Hangover: Part II

The characters less
Likeable, the plot re-hashed
None of it feels fresh

I really didn't
Enjoy all the jokes that were
Just lots of yelling

Yes some of the laughs
Are just as big as the last
But for the most part

It's the same movie
Just meaner and dirtier
And not as much fun

Wednesday, June 1, 2011


This movie is great
What it comes down to is that
The jokes are funny

Great supporting cast
Melissa McCarthy and
John Hamm are stand outs

Snappy writing which
Goes beyond just being crass
Yet is still adult

The most impressive
Part is how it treats women:
Respectfully. Wow!

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides

Leaner story and
Smaller scale still can't keep the
Adventure afloat

Some moments feel as
Fresh and fun as the first but
They are infrequent

Clumsy directing
And a lame subplot or two
Really bog things down

Depp does entertain
And buckles are swashed, but it's
Not worth your doubloons

Sunday, May 8, 2011


Norse bravado and
Swagger meets demure astro-
Physicist, finds love

Does not take itself
The least bit seriously
Which is a good thing

Hemsworth rocks as Thor
Almost makes up for others
Being under-used

It may be kind of
Empty, but at least it is
Big, bright, loud and fun

Friday, April 29, 2011

Fast Five

Audacious action
And improved special effects
Make for a great ride

The Rock sweats a lot
Vin Diesel growls while the
Rest of them look lost

Lots of eye candy
Regardless of what you like
Boys, girls, or fast cars

I'll never know why
People say "guilty pleasure"
Like it's a bad thing

Sunday, April 17, 2011

Hobo With A Shotgun

Rutger Hauer tears
It up in this intense yet
Funny dark thrill ride

80's throwback with
Blood and guts straight from Evil
Dead's school of effects

Hilarious but
Still disturbing, a feel good
Movie it is not

Go for the ultra
Violence, stay because it
Will not let you leave

Wednesday, April 13, 2011


Jason Bourne has a
Daughter with Run Lola Run
Her name is Hanna

Indie dramedy
Meshes with action, Joe Wright
Directs like a champ

Lots of allusions
To fairy tales, don't quite work
But not as bad as

Bana and Blanchett's
Weird accents. This is a strange
But unique thriller

Friday, April 1, 2011

The Adjustment Bureau

Starts off strong as a
Nifty and quiet thriller
Then the plot takes off

Reality is
Questioned by Matt Damon and
That guy from Mad Men

Terrence Stamp glares while
Nice fedoras make for a
Silly plot device

Apparently one
Can't escape their fate unless
They try REALLY hard

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Cedar Rapids

Ed Helms does a good
Job playing the same guy he
Plays in everything

Many great moments
Marred by inconsistent tone
Hooker made me laugh

The ensemble cast
Even Ellen's former wife
Were entertaining

Good script good acting
The pieces should have fit so
What was it lacking?

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Sucker Punch

Emily Browning
Fairly easy on the eyes
But a bad actress

Zach Snyder directs
With a steady hand but no
Warmth, humor, or soul

Babes, guns, explosions
Epic action makes me hard
It's a nerdgasm

Despite all the ass kicking
It kind of sucked. Damn.

Friday, March 25, 2011


Messrs. Pegg and Frost
Continue to deliver
To the geek in all

Not as good as Shaun
Or Hot Fuzz for that matter
But really what is?

Barely any pot
Funny Star Wars homages
Surprisingly sweet

I would watch again
Which is more than I can say
For most comedies